SoulCrayons™

More Seizures

Hi fellow blogees,

This shall be a short factual post. Since there is no "right" way to convey the last 1 1/2 yrs of me staying away from writing here, I'll just plunge headfirst into the friendly blog waters. Some of you noticed that I was diagnosed with epilepsy in the spring of 2010. At that time, I hoped that medication would regulate it and that would be the end of the traumatic ambulance ride and subsequent hospital week stay in the mental ward from hell.  (Yes, that's a book to be written because they should have put me in the MEDICAL ward...) BTW, seizures are not merely "jerking around" and that's it. Please check out the link BELOW IN MY UPDATE TO THIS POST.

After repeated EEGs and MRIs, and a myriad of other tests and followups, my drs and I had also hoped that seizure was a one-time occurence that meant I would not need meds the rest of my life, nor have my driving priveledges continually suspended by state law for 6 months to a year's time following each subsequent seizure.

GUESS AGAIN.

Then, they did not know what caused it, just ruled out some of what did NOT cause it. They still do not know what causes them for me.

As of this writing, I have lost count of how many emergency ambulance rides. I do know how many hospital stays, when, and how long, but I am NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK SO MUCH, so no details here about that. About a month ago, I suffered the WORST seizure of may life.  This time, each of my kids came to visit as soon as they could, but they could not visit me in the hospital and that is the best. I would not have gotten somewhat better there worrying about them. I have a feeling GEM told them not to come.

However, each of them came so soon after, yet they do not know how serious it really was, because they saw Mom acting pretty much near normal. Neither one has asked what happened and each one is going through job changes so I am not going to volunteer info that they can't take right now.

Unlike the other seizures, I did not get an "aura", which is VERY helpful to preventing more danger. My normally cool, calm, and collected hubster GEM, told  me weeks after this last scary incident that he thought I was having a stroke, especially since the paramedics could not completely rouse me.

He STILL kept his cool to handle the ER response and so much more, without any family help since we have no family, other than our children, who give a damn. He (and me) are the type of people who handle "stuff" ourselves rather than call friends, but I WISH HE HAD CALLED FRIENDS. It was TOO MUCH on him. I remember the look on his face, right before I went into a seizure and he looked scared. The other times I've had seizures or he's found me on the floor unconcious, he's looked VERY CONCERNED when he roused me, but not AS CONCERNED AS THIS TIME... and even when he recounted what happened recently and asking me what I remembered.

So, I'm only working a day or two/wk and part time at that. I've been "recylcing art" that I already had completed before this last seizure, by entereing those into shows. I have not been exercising like I usually do, which is 45 min of cardio plus an hr more on resistance training (most thing of it as a weight machine.) I do the exercise for my health not to lose weight.  I have been able to walk around and thank goodness GEM has driven me out of the house because I have gone claustrophobic from not being able to drive.

Where we live is not a "walk to many places" area, but it still is pretty for photography or hikes, but I am not supposed to hike! I'll be able to, in good time, but I sure am impatient. This nightowl is going to bed so much earlier, the moon is perplexed. *wink*

I haven't climbed the walls yet, but I have thought about it! GEM does take me to clients who can't come here and to a book club I belong to. He's the bestest (yes I know that is not a word, but I like the sound of it) hubster there is. Yep, we're still in love after all these years. I'll be performing  poetry readings in about a month. You can be assured there will be at least one love poem. I'm a romantic and passionate woman.

Hope you guys have fared better than me. XXOO - EVERYONE: I AM SO SORRY I BECAME CAUGHT UP IN TELLING WHAT HAPPENED AND FORGOT TO ADD MY USUAL OPTIMISTIC OUTLOOK, WHICH IS ALSO FACTUAL. I WILL BE JUST FINE!!! I NEGLECTED TO ADD THIS CAPITALIZED PARAGRAPH INFO IN MY ORIGINAL POST HERE:  WHAT I DESCRIBED HERE IS NOT LIKELY TO BE LIFE-THREATENING. (YES, I MAY FALL DOWN OR HIT MY HEAD BUT EVEN IF I HAVE A SEIZURE W/ NO ONE AROUND, I WOULD FALL ASLEEP AND WAKE UP, PERHAPS NOT KNOWING I HAD ONE. THE DRS. FEEL IT *IS* LIKELY THAT I HAVE HAD SEIZURES BEFORE 2010, BUT THEY WERE UNDOCUMENTED. (HUBBY AT WORK AND/OR OUR KIDS IN SCHOOL.)

MINE HAVE BEEN CONTROLLED FOR UP TO 18 MONTHS AT A TIME, EVEN THOUGH I WAS ALLERGIC TO SEVERAL OF THE MEDICATIONS PRESCRIBED.

AGAIN, I AM SORRY I WORRIED YOU GUYS. WHEN I WROTE THIS I ERRONEOUSLY ASSUMED THAT YOU ALL KNEW WHAT EPILESPY IS AND I FORGOT TO INCLUDE THIS LINK: What is Epilespy?

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO READS WHETHER OR NOT COMMENTS ARE LEFT. FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME, IF YOU PREFER. THIS IS NO "BIGGIE" REVELATION. THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER CONDITIONS AND ILLNESSES FAR FAR MORE SERIOUS. IN FACT, THAT IS WHY I NEVER POSTED ABOUT THIS A FEW YRS AGO. MY "STUFF" SEEMS SO TRIVIAL IN COMPARISON; HOWEVER, IT CAN FELL GOOD TO WRITE SOME ABOUT IT HERE. XXOO TO ALL. 

Poets Together Athenaeum, Northern Virginia Fine Arts

As many of you know I'm an artist by profession who also enjoys reading and writing poetry. What had I been up to before the last post? A lot!!

Since last spring, I have plunged, feet first in some cases, into open mike poetry readings. It's much easier for me to write a poem online or for the Expressive Arts workshops I teach, than to read in front of other poets who are in the audience. There is no rehearsal to know where to put your glasses, nor how to adjust that mike not to mention other technical issues.

Well, here I am from last spring's "Poets Together " event honoring the new Poet Laureate of Alexandria, VA Amy Young.

 She is on my right side, so as you see at the very bottom of the screen so she is on the left and I am to her right. I succumbed to putting my name in the basket of much humbler and other less known poets like me for the optional open mike portion of this event. I had not read in front of strangers who were mostly poets, in many years. Yes, I did it, despite my shakey nerves  and I felt proud.

Gasp! I put "carpe diem" into action.  I hadn't even practiced reading my poem beforehand and I had my backup pair of reading glasses that were not the correct prescription, but hey, I still got up there and read two poems, besides introducing myself w/out having rehearsed my "elevator speech."

Wow! What a terrific freeing feeling  afterwards to do so and perform. Since I decided spur of the moment whether to go for it or play it safe, my hubby was off in another location where there was needed wifi connection, studying for his doctorate courses.

People were very interested that one of the poems I read was inspired by my love of ballroom and jitterbug dancing as well as intrigued by my profession as an artist. I didn't realize there would be questions from the audience. Nice crowd of folks!

The event was entitled "Poets Together, Hosted by Alexandria’s Poet Laureate Amy Young"

• Date: 04/29/2011 
• Time: 7:00 pm
• Location: Athenaeum (this is an historic bldg in Alexandria, which is a city located close to Washington, DC. It's gorgeous inside with huge windows that look out onto the trees. )
• Admission: Free
• The program was sponsored by the Northern Virginia Fine Arts Associaton

"Amy Young, Alexandria’s Poet Laureate, gathers a select group of local poets to mark the conclusion of the City of Alexandria’s participation in National Poetry Month. Amy will be joined by spoken word poet Shelly Bell; 13 of Nazareth; Mary McElveen, former poet laureate of Alexandria; student poets; and others in a casual, interactive atmosphere." from the nvfaa.org site" (I was obviously one of the "others" in the preceding description.)

There was no podium. I had no clipboard. My glasses were the wrong prescription to read the poems. I was recuperating from the 2^nd seizure of my life  and hadn’t had time to rehearse the poems for reading aloud. However, I still grabbed the opportunity, thinking "Now or never." BTW, since that last seizure almost a yr ago, I received the diagnosis of epilespy and the seizures appear to be under control with none occuring since that time.

My dear "GEM" had printed the poems up for me and I tried to mark, pauses marks on those pieces of paper w/a highlighter, as we bumped along the road in RUSH HR traffic, prior to the event.

During the shmooze and mingle portion of this event, I also introduced myself to Mary McElveen, former poet laurete of Alexandria. It turns out that she is friendly with Carolyn Kreiter-Foronda, one of my high school English Teachers, who was the Virginia State Poet Laureate from 2006-2008. 

I am impressed by how encouraging folks are. It's great to be encouraged by such succesful poets and audience insights as well. I love the "poetry scene!"

Here is a photo of Amy Young (left) and Mary McElveen (right), former Poet Laurete of Alexandria, prior to the readings.

 

 

 

 

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I'm proud that I had the gumption to get up among these professionals. There was no podium to lean on. I was operating under adrenaline and would have liked a podium, but I managed.

Here is me and Poet Laureate of Alexandri Amy Young on my right. (As you look into your screen, I'm on the right and Amy is on the left.)

To add to my jittery nerves, wouldn't you know it, they picked my name *first* out of the basket.The audience was terrific and very understanding of "newbies." I have read poetry at other places but not for several yrs, if you do not count my workshops where I am the one in charge. I did manage not to make the mike squeal. Hehe

 

It was an intimate setting with a welcoming audience.

More posts to come of other readings I have done, as I continue  compile my poetry into book format or submission to magazines.

The Air That I Breathe

Yes, I'm guilty again of being away from this blog. This time it wasn't "life reasons." I actually tried an experiment to see if I could stay away from writing here. The longer I resisted penning my thoughts the more that loss ached within me. I wondered if the "old fashioned" way of journaling without an audience like I did before the internet existed would satisfy me. Nope. The hole of loneliness out here in a world where so many connect who have never met in real life, swelled and grew.

In fact, that hole morphed into a monster with fangs. How ugly, I thought as I fought it. How could my love of writing turn into something that was ripping me up? I would have conversations with myself, taking each side. I'd remind myself that most folks who visit blogs are kind and that the comments are not necessarily the "whole feedback." Then, I'd say to myself, so what? It's actually refreshing that my commenters have manners and look for the good in folks! (I already edit my own work and can tear it apart, chew it up, and even spit it out as unworthy, so I should relish the wonderful comments you all have given me through the years.) I DO!

Yet, I succumbed to deleting posts, although there was hope  even then. I knew, even then, in the recesses of my creative soul, that I should not delete my blog. I'm glad I didn't. It's ok if I sporadically post. As they say, it's "my blog and I'll do what I want" (and when I want or feel it.) There are no rules that way.

Thank you to the kind folks who searched and found a way to comment on the "about" page. Very computer savvy of you. I did forget that I left that comment ability enabled. Thank you also to those who emailed me asking about me. I'm sorry I haven't replied.

You all know I'm a visual artist who paints and perhaps you remember that I also make jewelry. You may not know that I have taught English and English literature and poetry. In recent years, I became an expressive artist, who combines the creative modes of writing and/or art to facilitate unleashing the creativity in folks of all ages and abilities. Sometimes I use music or simple dance as well.

I lead classes or workshops in real life in expressive arts. This is more than mere "journaling" classes. I've been asked by many to set up webinars to share my expertise and tips with others who don't live near me. Webinars have become quite popular on the internet.

To those who have read this blog, many have enjoyed the different types of writing I share here, from fiction, to poetry, to puns, to humor. In the future I will be sharing webinars here for those who want a low cost way of learning a bit of "gel's tips, tricks and expert-tease/expertise." My dear GEM has agreed to video me for such reasons.  I hope that my wit and wisdom will engage you.

Besides webinars I will be posting my own writings  here again for that interaction I dearly miss from sharing with you loyal or new readers. FYI: this post is NOT a new year's resolution. It is coincidence that I am posting again in Jan. I could write an entire post regarding resolutions and perhaps, I shall, in a future post.

Why is writing like breathing for me? Without air, one withers and dies. Simple as that. I have written all the time I've been away from here. I returned to this spot to share my soulcrayons because you all provide the fertile ground for me to plant my creativity seeds. I read, re-read, and cherish, each and every comment. Although, old posts are no longer visible here, I did back them up onto my computer.

So, like me, take a deep breath or more and plunge into new or old activities that nurture your own creativity seeds. Expressive writing is healing, energizing, and as necessary as exercise. It's truly medicine for the soul. It's been shown to reap health benefits galore, even if you're not "going through a stressful period in your life." Besides, I can show you how to enjoy writing if that's not been your thing before now, or improve, or vary it.  Bloom, my blog buddies!